Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
