Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
