screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
