Plan B is the new Plan A
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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