i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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