The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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