I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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