i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
