it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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