Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
