I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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