i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
