remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
