I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
