btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
