I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
3 2 1 whiskey
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sext me about skeletons
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
