What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
