guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
