I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize