Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
