Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
