This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
