Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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