Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
