he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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