she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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