I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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