I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
