that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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