I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
