My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
