I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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