I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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