so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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