No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
