and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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