I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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