Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
