Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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