THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
third nipple confirmed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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