i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize