You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
