Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We're too hungover to prance.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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