i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
this hospital has no fireball
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
