What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
