She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
