Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize