Yo dont text me then not text me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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