I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
