you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my being single is dangerous.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
