I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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