His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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