didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
