I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
