JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
