i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
