Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
