margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
