I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
