I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
