i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
