I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
