just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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