from now on my penis is your penis
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i think i just lost a toe
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
