my phone needs a breathalizer
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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