you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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