it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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