you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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