If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
