My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
