I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
