I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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