I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
