That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
