I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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