What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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