Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
