ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize