I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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