I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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