Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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