I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
