Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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