Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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