i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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