Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
